Wednesday, September 29, 2010

One of those days.

I rarely have them, to be honest. 

But today was one. No denying it. 

Things could of course be worse. But in my little world, it was just a hard day.

Relentless fussing from the baby led to one exhausted mama.
I don't know whether to scold or to comfort, because I don't know if he's just wanting constant attention or if he's teething big time.  It appears to be the latter, but who knows. He's definitely showing some personality these days, expressing his likes and dislikes. 

Exhaustion led to impatience, and impatience to unkindness. 

I heard myself saying aloud multiple times things like, "Lord, help me. I am impatient and I am tired and I cannot love Caedmon the way I need to right now without your help."

Finally we had to just get out of the house and go somewhere.

As I drove I made myself start listing all the things I was thankful for.
It's amazing how reflecting on gratitude can instantly change a perspective, and therefore a mood. Within moments I was overwhelmed with thankfulness. I could feel the tenseness leaving my body. (No wonderful we are told to give thanks in all circumstances.)

I reached back for Caedmon's little hand and he quickly grabbed mine with a giggle. Babies are so forgiving (and forgetful).

I said, "Hey buddy, I'm sorry Mommy has been impatient and unkind today. That wasn't loving toward you."

(It's pretty easy to apologize to a baby. Doesn't take as much humility as with an adult.)

The rest of the afternoon was wonderful, though imperfect.  The Lord supplied what I needed.

I love being a mom. It's so refining. I am learning so much about myself and about God, and about my sweet little baby. The "professional development" in this job is never-ending, and I'm excited for the journey.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

When we are weak He is strong.
Cast your cares upon Him.

(By the way, I am writing this from Starbucks, where I am taking a late evening retreat. Kristian insisted I get out for a bit once tears started mixing with dinner. Just one of those days...)