Monday, April 26, 2010

O how my grateful heart now aches

Just put my little guy to bed.
So overwhelmed with love for him.
And so overwhelmed by the importance of my job as his mother.

I was hit several times today again with the realization that he is not mine, but the Lord's. He is truly such a gift, and along with this gift comes such responsibility.

I have a responsibility to continually point him toward Jesus. This of course won't always be with words. I hope it is often done through selfless love towards him, humility when I make a mistake, and patience when I feel that there's none left.

But I'll use words too. I will always remind him of what Jesus did for us on the cross. I will remind him of what the Lord has done in our lives.

Down the road, I don't want him to just be "good" because it makes Mom and Dad happy, or because it earns him respect, or because it boosts his image of himself. I pray every night that as he grows he is obedient to God, no matter what the call, and that other's opinions do not sway him in his obedience... that he would not exhaust himself in the impossible quest to please people. I know how self-centered that can become.

And though it may sound contradictory, I also pray every night that he would be a great lover of people. I always ask that God would give him deep humility with the people in his life, and that he would follow Jesus' call to love his neighbor in a really radical way.

Tonight while Caed was playing before bed I listened to this song a few times. We've been singing it at church lately and the words are really moving to me. ("Jesus Died My Soul to Save" by Matt Boswell).

"What depth of love, What reach of grace, Oh how my grateful heart now aches..."