Monday, February 22, 2010

Glamour- HA!

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I promise the blog hasn't turned exclusively baby, but it is a blog about our life, and right now, THIS IS LIFE!

4 weeks ago tonight we were in the hospital and I had just been induced to help Caedmon make his way into the world. Wow- time is flying! Yet somehow creeping slowly too.

Life pretty much feels like a weird time warp right now composed of increments of naps and feeds and diapers. There is no real day or night, just a continual cycles of those three things.

I realize that with the pretty pictures of our sweet little guy that are posted here things may look so nice and peaceful and calm, even glamorous. Well let me break it to you... this is HARD, with a capital HARD! And it's anything but glamorous.

Those of you who are parents know this well. You know what all it is requiring for us to get through our initiation process. And those who are not yet parents but hope to be someday, well you have quite a road ahead!

There really aren't words to describe it. It's overwhelming in so many ways- wonderfully and painfully overwhelming- physically, emotionally, mentally...
Absolutely nothing could have prepared me.
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There are piles of laundry that need to be put away, mounds of nursing and pumping accoutrements, and many unanswered emails (and by the way I LOVE all the sweet emails I've received, and I apologize for being slow to write back. I will soon!)

Kristian is doing an amazing job staying on top of the housework, plus his full-time job, plus making sure I remember to eat (a problem I have never experienced nor understood people who did).

But I am coming to terms with the fact that it's OKAY.
It's ok that some days I don't make it out of my pj's. And that sometimes I don't leave the same spot on the couch for hours after feeding and snuggling and feeding again.

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I almost laughed out loud today at myself as I balanced a screaming baby in one arm, and a working pump in the other, obviously trying to do too many things at once.

Yes, this is hard.
But there are some pretty wonderful moments, too...
Like when Caedmon just stares at me, looking at each part of my face,
And when we painfully wake up for the early morning feeding as the sun is rising and I pray for C as I hold him and for the day ahead, admitting that there is no WAY we can get through this alone,
And when he falls asleep on our chests and we know it's his favorite place in the world,
And when I learn intensely clear truths about the Father's love and His discipline through parenting...
These are a few of the beautiful moments.

Though it's very hard to see now, I know I will miss these days!
And to you parents out there who have done this with multiple children- you are my heroes!

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