Monday, October 05, 2009

Kristian is out of town with work for just two nights this week, but it always kills me when he's away- even for a night.

I recognize the good in having time apart here and there. It's good to have concentrated quiet time without the "distraction" of the other. But, oh how thankful I am for marriage! And for my husband.

Time apart is a good reminder that marriage is a temporal thing. May Christ be where my heart is fully, because that is what transcends this life and lasts forever.

But, since marriage is temporal, I pray I make the most of each moment with my husband, and love him as best I can. This is one of my most important earthly tasks. I am part of God's provision for him. May I never take that lightly!

These two days are good for me. I'm realizing that alone moments like this are about to vanish in a few months, so I really want to embrace them. But the vanishing of alone time is a natural and good thing. When I start to mourn the loss of "independence" and the loss of life as a married couple with no kids, I am reminded of God's sovereignty in timing, and of the very natural stage of having children. And then I'm reminded again of how excited I am about this little boy joining our family! Kristian and I both are beginning to have more and more glimpses of what joy it will be to parent, and the love we'll have for our son. It is truly an awesome thing.

On a semi-related note, I read this very sweet letter on a website my friend sent me (a little long but worth it, I thought). It's written by John Newton in 1785 to his wife, Mary. At the time they had been married thirty-five years.

(Just for fun, a photo of my great grandmother, Augusta Duvall Hennighausen, on her wedding day)

"Let pastor, husband, author, and Christian John Newton instruct all of us in the joys of marital fidelity and love, the peace of trusting in the faithfulness of God, and the hope of future grace for the journey.

August 6, 1785
My dear wife, I long to hear that you had a comfortable journey to Southampton, and that you are now with our dear friends. Nothing has taken place among us that can be properly called new; which is a great mercy. For, though you have been gone but one day, a single day, or a single hour—may produce painful alterations in a family. The Lord has preserved us through a long course of years, and in different situations, from various calamities which have overtaken others. Our obligations to thankfulness are singular and numerous. When the carriage drove past the corner, my heart seemed to go away with it. It contained what was of more value to me than the cargoes of a whole East India fleet.

...I cannot write a long letter tonight. What could I, indeed, say, if I had more time, that I have not said a thousand times over? Yet there still is, and will be, something unsaid in my heart, which I have not words to express. May the Lord bless this little separation to quicken us to mutual prayer, and to lead us to a thankful review of the mercy and goodness which have followed us through the many years we have been united.

How many changes have we seen! Under how many trials have we been supported! How many deliverances have we known! How many comforts have we enjoyed! Especially, what great advantages have we possessed, in knowing those things which pertain to our everlasting peace!

The years we have passed together--will return no more. The afflictions are gone, the pleasures likewise are gone, forever. The longer we live, such pleasures as this world can afford, will, more and more, lose their power of pleasing. Only our love, I trust, will exist and flourish to the end of life--yes, beyond it! It will always be a truth, that the Lord, in giving you to me--gave me the best temporal desire of my heart. But the shadows of the evening advance. Old age is creeping in upon us, and the days are approaching when we shall have no pleasure--but what we can derive from the good Word of God, and the consolations of his Holy Spirit. These, if we are favored with them, will sufficiently compensate for the abatement, or the loss, of all the rest. The streams may run dry--but the fountain of living waters will always flow!
May His presence be near our hearts--and then all will be well.I am too fully employed to feel time hang heavy upon my hands in your absence; and, if I am permitted to come to you, the thoughts of the journey's end will make the journey pleasant."

"When the carriage drove past the corner, my heart seemed to go away with it. It contained what was of more value to me than the cargoes of a whole East India fleet." - I love that line. It's exactly how I feel when K leaves (although not so often in a carriage, but down our smelly Spanish Harlem staircase...)