Sunday, March 02, 2008

Childhood Crushes

I guess we all had at least one childhood celebrity crush; it's just part of growing up. My sister recently brought up one of Katy's childhood crushes, right here on our blog - which I'm okay with, no really I am, I am not one of those guys who gets all jealous just because his wife used to purchase magazines for the sole purpose of getting pictures of some attractive, famous, rich and powerful guy. I mean, that was like 12 years ago!

But it got me thinking about how misguided our judgment can be sometimes as kids. For instance, take two of Katy's main childhood crushes - Christian Bale and Leonardo DiCaprio. Let's look more closely at these guys and analyze how worthy of her affection they really were.

Christian Bale (First of all, what kind of a name is that?! "Oh, hi, my name is Hindu Adams, and this is my friend, Taoist Smith. Nice to meet you..." Ridiculous)


Do you see a ring on that finger? Nope, me neither. I guess he's just too busy with all of his success to fit "marital fidelity" into his schedule. But who cares about that anyway, right?

#2 I've heard that old Mr. Bale fancies himself as a bit of a tough guy. Well I found a recent picture of him leaving a NYC gym. I also have a recent picture of me - I was stretching (just before a yawn).Take a look and tell me, who do you think would win in a fight?

Rose - 2 Bale - 0

#3 Some people say, "Oh, Christian Bale, he's so cool; he's batman." Interesting point. I have a kind of similar alter-ego.

Draw. But I still win overall, 2-0.

Leonardo DiCaprio

I guess his name is cool...if you like people named after Ninja Turtles.


#1 He's a cry baby.

You know what he's crying about there? He was embarrassed after he got caught steeling money from an elderly, crippled widow. I heard that he wasn't even remorseful, just embarrassed. Unbelievable.

#2 He's not very smart. Q: What's one thing you should not wear into the lake when you go swimming? A: Armor. But here he is in his chain mail. S-T-U-P-I-D Also, that kiss doesn't appear anywhere near consensual. Pretty scary really.

And finally, #3 He hates the environment. In fact, he does such terrible things to our planet that he's become a poster child of sorts - he's the antithesis of environmental responsibility. Some ads even picture him in order to motivate people to action - like you might show a picture of a foreign tyrannical dictator to inspire young men to join the military. Interesting.

It's funny how different our perspectives can be once we mature. I hope you now see the frivolity of your past infatuations, Katy. I suppose that in light of these recent considerations, you ended up with a pretty good deal in old Mr. Rose...